Divorcebook

Who's seen the youtube video 'facebook in real life' very funny:

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=2Qkc9VfDYLc

Anyhow, that's not what this post is about.

So now that I am 'seeing' someone, I've experienced a modern day dating dilemma, namely facebook stalking. Alright, I'm exaggerating, nobody is facebook stalking me (to my knowledge anyway) but given I am 'friends' with Chris, suddenly public posts are taking on a whole new level of importance.

Let me explain.

This week, I have had two slightly dodgey comments/posts made about me, for the whole world to see (at least in my 200 ppl strong facebook world).

Post number one:

BY: Beautiful, gorgeous, young Turkish holiday romance from mid last year, opts to make following public comment on recent facebook photo:

merhaba nasılsın sizi cok özledim ben hala askerdeyım keske yanınızda olsaydım mucuk xxxxxx

I have checked with personal Turkish translator (ok friend) and this means: Hello how are you - I miss you very much - I'm still in the army - I wish I was near you though.

Post number two:

FY: Fozzy! Hmmph, by the way, Fozzy knows I am currently 'dating', still he feels the need to post:

Hey Yvette
Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Good to talk to you the other day
Hey I still have a couple of your Bali special dvds that I need to return. You free next week at all?

So, given I AM someone who pays attention to Facebook activity in general (alright especially on potential suitors page), this has led to me thinking about how I would interpret such posts if on someone else's (eg his) page. And it ain't good. I mean if I were him I would translate:

Post one:
Clearly she had a holiday romance in Turkey last year. More to the point they are still in touch. And god, he doesn't even speak English - I mean what kind of relationship was this that she had? What a slapper! I hope she was careful! Why is he still sending her kisses?

Post two:
Obviously she was dating this bloke AND recently, even though she told me she was single for YEARS. I wonder what's going on now? I mean why did she call him the other day - that must have been after we met? What were they talking about? Why can't he post the fucking DVDs back?

Look, I know men are simple creatures. Perhaps they don't even notice these things? Still it has certainly got me thinking that the world at large SHOULD introduce mandatory facebook etiquette.

Such as rule one:

• When facebook 'friend's' with exes of ANY description, they must not, I repeat, NOT EVER write anything publicly outside of merry Xmas, happy Bday etc. Mail to inbox is fine. Mail to wall is not.
  

Actually, I think my bro in law got it right when he renamed it 'divorcebook'. More than ever in these social networking times, I reckon, what you don't know wont hurt you.

xxxoooxxx

ps more than one of my friends in long term relationships have opted to not be facebook friends with their partner, smart move!

Interesting times, interesting measures

Somehow, it seems I have now been dating the Definer for over four weeks. Don't get too excited, we have not discussed exclusivity and have only been out four times, however, all things considered, this is my most serious relationship since the HH began.

Which is why I have decided to reveal his name. The Definer is Chris. So for all of you readers who I actually connect with 'offline', yes he has a name.

Which is also why I have been extremely slack. I mean, I never really figured out what I would do with the blog if I moved into the 'dating' phase. Seems far too personal to reveal all the gory details.

So I have decided not to. For the time being the story of Chris and I will remain private, until which time I feel the need to share (eg he dumps me and I need to rant, I dump him and I need to vent etc). Gut feel? Is probably going to be short term, he seems to be emotionally unavailable....but time will tell.

Not much else going on, apart from a random text from Harvard out of the blue this morning! Apparently he has been thinking about me and was wondering if i would like to catch up for a drink and some 'fun'. Had to fess up to being taken care of in that department right now....

Tomorrow is Melbourne Cup Day. Looking forward to frocking up and maybe even having a little flirt here and there. I mean, no need to go putting all my eggs in one basket or anything!

xxxoooxxx

Men, men, men...trouble, trouble, trouble!

Last night, ex f*ck buddy (My Space buddy, see post April 2) initiated a text-a-thon with me. Let me tell you once more re My Space buddy, we were only ever friends (with benefits), having nowhere near enough in common for it to be more than that. AND that he now has a serious girlfriend. Before telling you what his messages were in relation to. And that is that he wanted me to know that a/ the sex between us was so good he will never forget it and at times he can’t get it out of his head and that b/ we would have been awesome together but the timing was just out. As if!

Where does he get off? No way, no, no, no. The reality is that I actually regret that ‘part’ of our friendship, but just didn’t want to hurt his feelings by saying so. Seriously, it wasn’t that great, sorry My Space buddy. I tell you - Men! How would his bird feel if she got wind of these texts?! My god, if was me would want to cut his dick off!

Anyhow, am very annoyed at above behaviour, and of course simultaneously secretly ego style chuffed....seems I am on fire this week.

xxxoooxxx

It's getting hot in here....

Fozzy…..as promised called me on return from smelly motor racing. I had mixed emotions going into the call. Firstly, it was on my mind that eggs should never be placed in one basket; hence I should give him a chance. Secondly, that he had really annoyed me by not contacting me over extended period, leading to blog comments posted by moi indicating that I had decided it was time to a/ face it, he was not that into me and b/ to move on.

The call started out well. We had a great chat catching up on each others happenings. I was however, waiting for him to open up and he wasn’t, so I then had to go for the juggler. I said, ‘what is going on with you anyway, what is this business of disappearing and then reappearing in my life about’. Silence. Prodded some more. Got nothing. Then said, so either you’re a player or you’re just not that into me. Felt gold!

He didn’t think gold. In fact, he was still acting like stunned mullet. Eventually he confessed that he is just slack when it comes to women (maybe would be better with men?!). Apparently, he has been accused of slackness previously and is regularly ‘in trouble’ for it. Suddenly eggs and basket receded to back of mind and found myself saying to Fozzy ‘well if you can’t be bothered, I’m not going to bother either’. Then I bade him farewell. Back to time to move on then!

Next.

The Definer. Early last week we organised a date for Sunday night, a bit of a wait, but I can do patience. Besides, I had a lot going on last week. However, post this Tuesday date arrangement I did not hear from him for the rest of the week. Not once. Is this normal I asked myself? Is he too just not that in to me? I decided given the pear shaped direction our previous date had taken, I would just be cool as a cucumber and wait for said date. I committed to myself that there would be NO alcohol; knowing I had damage to undo…

Sunday rolled around and my excitement began to build. Couldn't help but text to confirm, but all good, immediate reply and date confirmed.

This is what happened: He picked me up. I wore girly frock (new look see Manual), He drove me to a lovely Italian restaurant. We ate pizza and ice cream. He paid. We both stayed completely sober. We held hands leaving the restaurant. He drove me home. He came in. We spent hours talking and ‘stuff’. He left. He text me once home to say what a great time he had. He emailed me first thing the next morning. Wow.

That said, now seems The Definer (and I ) are once again having diary problems. It’s looking like a good week or so until our next date. And let’s not get carried away, I really hardly know the guy. And warning, he is newly single (only 3 months, after 5 years) so for all I know has eggs in many baskets. Is hard to refrain from excitement though, I will confess.

But restrain I will. Options are open, time will tell. No really.

On the options subject, Fozzy called me again this week. Fingers obviously fully recovered then! Seems he thinks I am amazing and is beating him self up for his 'me', related slackness. I recommended counselling. And told him he’d missed the boat (sorry he deserved it). Have decided to remain friends however, in the spirit of the HH.

Stay tuned!

xxxoooxxx

Rant and rave

I tell you what makes me mad...........like furious actually.

Every man I know has told me that in the Hunt for Mr Right, you should never shag on the first date. Their rationale being that good girls (the marrying kind) don't put out on the first night. Plus then there is the whole we like the thrill of the chase malarkey.

Why, why, why then, do they all insist on doing EVERYTHING in their power to get into our pants on the first date? Even when we firmly say no, they will persist until they wear us down. And let's face it, we enjoy it too, so it's not exactly easy when your body is saying yes, yes, yes to say no, no, no.

Thinking about it, it actually says to me loud and clear that they really believe that 'sex is for boys and love is for girls'.

So, next time a bloke is whining on about his bird having a low libido, ask him this for me. Did she put out on the first night? Because they're the ones you want to marry ;)

xxxoooxxx

ps don't worry I'm just ranting, The Definer and I are still an 'item'....phew

Self Sabotage

Now, we all know that key rules to adhere to when luring your man in are:

a/ playing a little hard to get
b/ making him wait for the prize
c/ keep defenses up – ie stay sober

On Friday afternoon I got a text from The Definer seeing if I wanted to join him and a couple of friends at the pub around the corner the following afternoon. Sure I thought, why not.

Of course on Saturday when he confirmed these arrangements I started to get nervous. His first text basically informed me that he was going to the pub with a bunch of Rugby mates and that they would probably give him a hard time in front of me.

At this point I was like, what have I got myself into here….So wrote back and said, um, sounds interesting, so just me and the boys huh? To which he replied, you will be fine, boys and also their girlfriends.

Then I got more nervous! What was he doing inviting me to pub with loads of friends on second date? And would it look like I was neurotic if I pulled out last minute. Decided yes, I had to go.

The right outfit became an obsession as was suddenly trying to impress men and women. And what if the girls didn’t like me??? What then?!

Anyhow, I set off chanting to myself, this will be fine, I am nice girl, just keep it short, don’t shag him etc.

What I find strange though is this. Despite this mantra, during the day on Saturday I did the following:

• bought condoms
• bought new underwear
• bought new trimmer thingy

Well the rest is history. I was a big hit. And I broke all the rules.


I ask you readers, could it be that I don’t want a husband after all??????

xxxoooxxx

Ps stop screaming at me, I know I stuffed up already! Let's just hope it's speedbump rather than a stop sign ;)

Toying with men

They are simple creatures really.

Fozzy is suddenly not letting go.

Next move post text was to Facebook friend request me. Eight weeks after meeting and five dates later, NOW, he chooses to be my virtual friend!

Moving on, once facebook request accepted, must have decided coast was clear for him to send another text. Oh pulease, now that he aint sure he can have me, he is super keen - so freaking predictable.

Message said he is off to Bathurst for the weekend but would LOVE to see me next week (eeeeewwwww gross, smelly motor racing).

Slept on this. Woke up and decided that since the MANual says is very important not to put all eggs in one basket I should at least continue toying with him. So did not reply with a yes, but a 'enjoy the fumes and give me a buzz next week'. Has of course already responded with a will do!! Stupid boy, doesn't mean I am going to see him now does it, no need to get all excited.

Meanwhile all quiet on the Definer front. Which is good really, coz too much too soon is always a recipe for disaster, no?

xxxoooxxx